Closing Pandora's Box

Last year, I was asked by a friend to write on the topic of love for the King’s College Maestro Magazine and so I agreed. Below is my short story that was published.

*****

I had been watching as she came out of the shower, wrapped in a towel that hung from her bosom and curled around her thighs. She walked briskly to her room, her moist, naked feet leaving prints on the wooden floor. She was slightly behind schedule but I knew she wouldn't be late. She never was. It wasn't often we got to do this, with the pressure of second year university and work keeping us occupied. But despite that we made sure to spend some time together, at least once a month. Today was the 14th of February. It was special because it was her birthday. And tonight was going to be perfect.
When she was born her mother had held her in her arms and through her teary eyes exclaimed, “I will give this girl of mine all the love in the world.” It was a shame really, for it left everyone else with none to give. I continued to watch as she gently towel dried her red hair. Using a hair dryer was not an option. Her skin had always been sensitive and during her early years at school she had suffered from seborrhoeic eczema that resulted in greasy yellow coloured scales on her face and scalp. The emollient she used gave off its own unpleasant smell which the young children around her didn't like. They found it repulsive. They found her repulsive. One of the boys in her class had cut her hair with a pair of safety scissors during an art lesson to the amusement of the others. I had watched as she ran home that afternoon with tears of humiliation gushing down her angular face. But they could not wash away the pain she had felt that day.
Next, she put spots of moisturiser on her forehead, nose, cheeks and chin before massaging them in with the tips of her fingers. This was a routine that had not changed since high school and one that always brought a smile to her face. Though she was not beautiful, her supple skin was envied by many of the other girls. She craved for boys to look at her and love her, but their eyes were bought by the rich blonde who covered herself in expensive skin care products. If truth be told, I too stared longingly at the blonde girl. I patiently watched as she applied foundation and changed into her ruched stretch-jersey black dress. It had been a steep acquisition, considering it was paid for by her student loans. She had insisted and there was no way I could change her mind, it was for me she had said, for our special nights together.
She had never been one for makeup and so it took her three frustrating attempts to put on eyeliner. The mascara was relatively easier. Though she normally wore glasses, for special nights such as this she would put on her chocolate coloured lenses. Her deep grey eyes; eyes that had longed to see better days once she started university, were instantaneously transformed. People at high school had spoken of university as a new beginning full of hope, new friendships and new adventures. But the truth of the matter is that high school never ends and nothing changes but the faces, the names and the trends. And as for life, we’ve only got the one. Her luck didn’t change at university either; well not until I met her.
There wasn’t much left for her to do. The table had been set some time ago and I had lit the scented candle just before she entered the shower. The flame danced for us in its unique manner, casting shadows around the dimly lit room. She sprayed herself with her perfume and put on her Revlon super lustrous lipstick Fire and Ice. It was the same one she was wearing the day we had our first kiss. We had been standing in the lunch queue, waiting to order food. I caught her eye in the glass container which had the cakes within and smiled. She later told me that when she returned the smile, it was because she had remembered something her mother had always said to her. That night while we sat and talked, I noticed her beauty for the first time. Her once oddly angular face was now sleek and refined. Her body, once lanky and thin with bones jutting out in different directions was now curvaceous and complete. And her smile, hiding behind it one of the saddest stories I knew, was mesmerising.
She was ready now and I watched as she walked towards me, hunger in her eyes. But as always, this hunger was not the type to be satisfied at the candle lit table. The flowers sat alone as she kissed me. Her lipstick left a mark on the cold surface of the mirror.
“If you can’t love yourself,” her mother had said. “You can’t expect others to love you either.” She had finally found love.

_________________________________

With special thanks to AG and SR for teaching me about colours, makeup and the ways of its application.
Italicised words are taken from the song “High School never ends,” – Bowling for Soup.

“Exhausting,” he said to her. “Kids are such work. I can’t wait to have kids of my own, but sometimes thinking about it is scary.”

“Hmm I feel the same way sometimes,” she replied. “Then I slap myself and shout silently ‘How can I bring such beautiful innocence into THIS world.’”

“When you look at the world what do you see? I don’t know about you, but I look at the world, I see it through eyes dark and colourless. It's a bit like blue jeans. No matter how blue they are to begin with, those areas that are constantly stretched and rubbed and poked lose their colour over time. Especially at the knees. Just before they’re about to rip and leave a gaping big hole, they turn colourless. Same with these eyes of mine. Death, failure, loss, destruction, persecution, sorrow and hurt. You name it, they’ve seen it all and they too have lost their colour. The thing is when something loses its colour, it catches other colours around it much more quickly. Like a plain white piece of paper can be painted any colour whereas a bright red one will not show all of them as well. And at this stage, these sunken eyes of mine notice the beauty, notice the hope, notice the love, notice the sacrifice and notice the good, no matter how small it may be. Indeed, there are vast areas lacking light, but if you look hard enough, in the right places, you’ll see it too. Look inside yourself, deep down where the soul resides and you’ll notice that no matter how grimy you may be on the surface the light within continues to burn burn bright. A street lamp gives the same light as when it was new, except the pollution of the cars and the dust deposited by the wind may make it seem otherwise. Now imagine that light multiplied 7 billion times. It would be blinding. The problem isn’t that there is no light in the world. The problem is that most people don’t know how to find it. When I have kids one day insha’Allah, if I fail to teach them anything else, I hope I’ll be able to teach them these two things: I’ll teach them about their light that resides within them. And I’ll teach them that if they share that light of theirs with others around them, it’s the best they can do. Even if the layers of grime and filth on a person’s surface is so thick that it only lets a small pinpoint of light, in the darkest of areas, that too can be illuminating. Remember that, and find your light my friend. If you lose your way, then I’ll share mine with you.”

_________________________________

Photograph of streetlamp in the sunset, taken from personal photography [link].

The following post is by a good friend who used to blog herself once. She had posted this before on her blog, but seeing as it is a highly pertinent issue today, which many people may find themselves in, I asked her if I could use it to share with my readers. She agreed. Thank you ever so much Smiley, you gem.

*****

“So, did anyone call today?” Zack asked popping a spoonful of spaghetti into his mouth. He was starving.

“Mum rang this morning asking whether we had received the parcel she sent and then Ryan rang later this afternoon,” Sammy said pouring a glass of water and taking a huge gulp.

“Ryan?”

“Yeah, Ryan from London. You remember him?”

“What did he want?” Zack asked starting to chew slowly.

“Oh nothing much, we were just talking about stuff, you know,” Sammy said reaching for a spaghetti string from Zack’s plate. She slipped it into her mouth and took a seat next to him on the couch.

“What stuff?”

“Well, he told me he went to see his mum today. I told you his parents are separated, didn’t I? And then he said we should come down to London during the summer break. He said he'd love to meet you,” Sammy laughed, remembering Ryan’s words.

“How long did you guys talk for?”

“About forty five minutes I think, not sure. It was good to talk to him. He said he left me something on my Facebook wall,”

“Did you check?”

“No, didn’t get time. Been revising all day,” Sammy stifled a yawn, took the empty plate from Zack’s hands and placed it on the table. She sat back on the couch, stretched her legs out and placed her head in Zack’s lap. He reached for the remote and started flicking through the channels.

“How’s that going?”

“Booooring. I missed you today. The day just went on and on and on,” Sammy said looking up into his face. Strands of dark unkempt hair fell into eyes. She studied the long column of his throat as her fingers played with the buttons on his white shirt. They'd been married for forty four days now.

“Really? That bad, aye?” his eyes twinkled with warm amusement. “And don’t you ruin this shirt of mine, I think it’s the only wearable one left in my whole wardrobe, thanks to you!” He grinned. Sammy laughed and tugged a little harder at the button.

“You’re worried more about your shirts, huh?” she said, looking away pretending to pout. He turned her face back and kissed her cute button nose.

“So what you say, we go to London this summer?” He pulled the ribbon out of her hair and let it fall loose. He loved her hair.

“Yeah that would be great,”

“We could go to Bath and visit my old uncle and aunty too, ain’t seen them lot for ages,” Zack said smirking remembering how his wife disliked his old fashioned family.Sammy punched him in the chest.

“Ha ha. Very funny! Ryan mentioned Bath; he said it was a lovely place to visit for a day,”

Zack’s hand paused its play of her hair.

“Can you just stop that,” he said suddenly.

“Stop what?”

“Ryan. You’re always talking about him. Ryan this and Ryan that,”

“No I’m not,”

Sammy sat up, lifting her head from his lap. The moment was gone replaced by something else.

“Yes you are. It’s always you and Ryan,”

“There’s no me and Ryan. What you talking about?”

Zack got up off the couch and faced her. His face was turning a slight shade of pink and all humour had vanished from his tired eyes.

“I bet there is,” He said ever so quietly.

There was silence in the room as Sammy stared at him, unable to believe what she was hearing.

“That’s just crazy. He’s just a really good friend that I met on Facebook. The guy lives a million miles away, don’t know what…”

“Oh so that’s what it is, is it?” he cut her short. “So if he was closer things would be different, is that it?”

“Hell no. That’s not what I meant. You’re taking it the wrong way Zack,”

“Am I? I don't think so!” He was shouting now

“Look, he’s just a friend. He’s helped me through a lot….”

“You care about him?”

“What?”

“I asked do you care about him.”

“Well of course I care about him, he’s my friend, Zack,” Sammy said, her voice quivered. She was hurt. She didn’t know where this was going.

“You know when mum and dad got divorced he was the only person I had who I could talk to. He’s always been there for me. Our friendship is special. I don’t see what the big deal is," She looked away as the memories came flooding back.

“The big deal? You want to know the big deal? You’re always going on about him and I’m sick and tired of it! Before the wedding you couldn’t stop talking about him and all your incredibly fun times together," he waved his hands around the room, the words coming out like a fierce storm. "You were even talking to him on our wedding day. And now look at you. How do you think that makes me feel? He’s helped…”

“What on earth is that supposed to...”

“Just shut up!” he spat the words at her and Sammy’s eyes widened. Zack never spoke to her like that. His jaw was tight, his eyes icy. He was angry. He looked up into her face and took a step towards her. Fear suddenly gripped Sammy. Zack would never hit her.

“It’s either me or him, do you hear?” he whispered the words close to her face. She didn’t say anything, too shocked to open her mouth. She didn’t recognize this Zack.

He turned around, grabbed his mobile and keys from the table and walked towards the door.

“Zack! This is crazy,” she said to his back as he walked out the room.

“Zack!” she called.

She heard the front door open and her pulse raced.

“Zack! Where are you going?”

There was silence.

And then the door slammed shut.

@Smiiiiiiiiley_x

*****

What do you think? Have you ever been in such a situation, be it as Zack, Ryan or Sammy?

_________________________________

My little sister surprisingly gave me a box of chocolates. “This is how much I love you,” she said. When I opened it, I discovered the contents to be as follows:

I thought I’d share some love with all you lovely people…

…but then I eated it.

Uni tomororw, I can’t wait. But I have a really bad cold, my nose tap is extremely loose, my head hurts, as do my back and legs, and I feel so bored and exhausted. I hope and pray you all are in the best of health and I hope you have a lovely, productive and enjoyable week ahead.

:)

PS
I have a LOT of blog reading to do (I will visit you soon!). And a LOT of posts to put up. There’s one scheduled for errr someday I can’t remember, all about my love for universes, and then I have to write one about the closet, a book review and a film review. I’ve written another about an old discussion I heard on BBC 4. Don’t hold your breath otherwise you’ll be holding it for a LONG time.

_________________________________

Title: What a wonderful world – Louis Armstrong
Photograph – Personal photography

…Continued (Click here to read part 1)

Click here to watch episode (available in the UK ONLY)

Last week’s Panorama (Monday 22^nd November 2010), shown on BBC focused on faith schools and in particular Islamic schools. For those of you that are not in the UK, let me give you a brief summary of what some of the points raised:

• Of the many thousands of  schools in the UK, 160 are Muslim schools.
• The vast majority of which are “good Muslim schools, but there are also some that have an ideology that is a cause for concern”
• Some schools are directly funded by a mosque and mosque policy is usually reflected in the rules of the school.
• Students are exposed to radical anti-west speakers and thinkers who openly incite hatred against the west.
• Many part-time (after school / weekend) classes use the Saudi national curriculum which caters for 6-18 year olds. Even from an early age children are taught that Jews and Christians are like monkeys and pigs. The curriculum also contains information on how to carry out “medieval Islamic practices” such as amputations of the hands and feet.
• Students are often told to refrain from “evil western practices” such as listening to music and that one should not have any contact or dealing with the “kuffar”.

*****

“In time we hate that which we often fear” – William Shakespeare

A young mind absorbs knowledge just like the way a dry sponge sucks up any moisture around it. A child growing up in a household full of love and laughter will develop into an individual who is loving himself / herself. A child whose environment is saturated with hate by those around them will surely be affected by it. The first primary school I went to was predominantly white. There were only 3 non-whites there; me, my sister and another Asian boy. In year 5 a black French boy joined my class. One day we had a supply teacher to cover the afternoon lessons. She was a lovely Jamaican lady (I can still remember what we did in that lesson). While she was teaching a boy kept repeatedly talking and as any teacher would, she told him to be quiet and concentrate on his work. He put his pen down, got up and looked at the teacher with eyes like a snake’s full of venom, and shouted, “Go swim back to your country, you’re not wanted here.” Everyone gasped. Later that day I saw the child’s father walking into school. On his arm was a tattoo of a symbol that I did not recognise at that young age. I was 9 or 10 at that time. It was only a few years later while studying World War II did I understand the horrors the swastika had come to represent. We never saw the teacher again.

I don’t think hate is a feeling as such. Feelings are like happiness, anger and nostalgia for example; they’re temporary to an extent. Also we have no control over our feelings, they just happen. It would be more appropriate to describe hate as a verb rather than an adjective. You can feel hated and if you were to say I am feeling hate, that still insinuates the hate is being directed at you as apposed to emanating from within you. It is an extreme form of dislike. The superlative form of dislike which is the product of ignorance and is taught, learned or acquired and exhibited through anger, lack of trust and suffering to mention a few.

In the episode of Panorama we are made aware of the hate that is being spread in some faith schools. The programme quotes Orthodox Jewish, Evangelical Christian and Muslim school to be involved in saying things that may be deemed offensive. Despite that, it specifically chooses to elaborate on the radical nature of the teaching at some Islamic Schools. Education in imperative for the development of an individual and thus the roles of schools can never been underestimated. I think faith schools are a good thing as they allow for increasing one's spiritual knowledge as well as catering for their worldly knowledge. Having a mosque or church close to the school is like having a hospital in close vicinity to a medical school.

Knowledge is a double bladed sword if it is not obtained properly or used in a productive manner. A lack of it can drown one into the depths of ignorance from which it is hard to recover. On the other hand, those with knowledge can spread it in such a manner that instead of bringing enlightenment to the lives of others, it brings darkness. A darkness in the form of fear. As Yoda says in Star Wars, "fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate leads to suffering." What disappointed me the most was the fact that so called 'scholars', whose words many people take for granted without any questioning, were selectively picking and choosing those things to teach that are representative of a specific narrow minded type mentality.

In the translation of the first Chapter of the Qur'an the scholar says, "Guide us not on the path of those who have earned thy displeasure, namely the Jews, nor those that have gone astray, namely the Christians." The mention of the Jews and the Christians is not in the actual Arabic text of the Qur'an. I do not by any means claim to be a scholar and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, but many nations incurred the wrath of God over time; the 10 plaques of Egypt come to mind. Was the Pharaoh and his people Jews? One of the many reasons so many prophets were raised was because mankind had forgotten the teachings sent down from heaven. If only the Christians had strayed from the right path then technically does that mean all those before them were following the true teachings? The university at which I study is no more than 15 minutes walk from Tooting Islamic Centre (mentioned in the programme). Once a special guest from there was invited to give a talk about the status of Jesus (a.s.) in Islam. Judging by the contents of the talk it should actually have been named, ‘Why Christians are wrong in their beliefs about Christ.’ I felt thoroughly ashamed for having wasted my time and was even more sympathetic towards all those Christians who had gone to learn something new about another faith.   

Many people are guilty of misquoting verses from religious texts and presenting a small portion of it completely out of context. One of the speakers in the programme quotes verse 14 of chapter 60 which reads, 'Oh ye who believe! make not friends of a people with whom Allah is wroth.' This verse on it's own seems to be telling Muslims to abstain from having any dealings with those that do not believe. What the people who use this verse to advocate exclusivity fail to mention is the context in which this verse was revealed or what the Qur’an says a little earlier. When this verse was revealed, the Muslims were at war with the Meccans and some Muslims out of their friendship would pass on sensitive information to the enemy. In light of this, the above verse (Chapter 60 : Verse 14) was revealed. This is not just a message for Muslims, but a message that all countries and nations strictly follow. During the second world war posters were made to remind the public that careless talk costs lives. Regarding one’s attitude towards non-Muslims, the Qur’an says, ‘Allah forbids you not, respecting those who have not fought against you on account of your religion, and who have not driven you forth from your homes, that you be kind to them and act equitably towards them; surely Allah loves those that are equitable. (Chapter 60 : Verse 9).

Even more surprising was the fact that children from the ages of 6 – 18 in Saudi Arabia are being taught the Jews and Christians look like pigs and dogs. They are being led to believe the world is divided into two groups of people; the Muslims and the non-Muslims. The seed of hate and intolerance is being planted in their hearts and is being cultivated every day they go to school. For that minority of Muslims who do believe in the heinous and absurd claims made against the Jews and Christians, I would like to remind you of a hadith of the Prophet of Islam (s.a.w.). He is reported to have said, “A time will come when nothing will remain of Islam except its name and nothing will remain of the Qur’an except its script. Mosques will be full of worshippers, but as far as righteousness is concerned they will be empty and deserted. Their ‘ulama’ (religious scholars) will be the worst creatures under the canopy of the heavens. Evil plots will originate from them and to them will they return” (Mishkat). Many people argue about the authenticity of this saying, but I think casting a quick glance over the world is enough to understand.

This reminds me of an excellent quote from the book To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee in which the father Atticus is defending a black man in court who is accused for having raped a white girl. The book is set in Alabama, in the 1930’s when segregation of whites and blacks was common. He says while addressing the jury “confident that you gentlemen would go along with them on the assumption – the evil assumption – that all Negroes lie, that all Negroes are basically immoral beings, that all Negro men are not to be trusted around our women, an assumption one associates with minds of their calibre. Which, gentlemen, we know is in itself a lie as black as Tom Robinson’s skin, a lie I do not have to point out to you. You know the truth, and that truth is: some Negroes lie, some Negroes are immoral, some Negro men are not to be trusted around our women – black or white. But this is a truth that applied to the human race and to no particular race of men. There is not a person in this courtroom who has never told a lie, who has never done an immoral thing, and there is no living man who has never looked upon a woman without desire.’ Stereotypes are wrong, we all know it. I personally know Jews who have protested for the rights of Muslims in Palestine and Christians too. We would be walking in the footsteps of the Nazi’s if we were to say that all Jews and Christians were bad people.  

Though the Panorama programme raised some very important points about the regulation of faith schools in England, it was also very biased. Apart from mentioning one good Muslim school at the beginning no attempt was made to highlight the more pleasant and true teachings of Islam. Those individuals who already have misguided and or prejudiced views about Islam due to a lack of knowledge or bad experience will be further strengthened in their beliefs. Islamic law for the punishment of theft (the amputation of a hand) is referred to as a medieval practice. That’s an unfair comment I think. There are two means of execution used in the USA; the electric chair and the lethal injection. Imagine this scenario. The condemned is initially given sodium thiopental which acts an anaesthetic. Next, an injection of pancuronium bromide is given which causes total paralysis. This gives the person a calm look, so that when the 3^rd and final injection of potassium chloride is given to induce death, the death is as calm as possible for the onlookers. Due to the lack of research regarding the use of anaesthesia in execution, what if actually not enough of it is being administered? What if the condemned person experiences ‘asphyxiation, serve burning sensation, massive muscle cramping and finally cardiac arrest’? Is that really humane? This is a debate that has been going on for a very long time. You can  download and read an article about it here.

*****

We all have a choice. Just like we can choose to love (refer to the love described in the quote in this post) a person, we can also choose to hate. This is a choice made depending on our experience of that person, group of people or thing. I remember walking towards the hospital to get into university a few weeks ago. It was raining; not heavily and not lightly either. Everyone had their shoulders hunched up, trying to stop the rain from hitting their faces. Seeing all those annoyed people, I dropped my shoulders, lifted up my face and felt the rain against my skin. It was a beautiful feeling. Sometimes a thing may look bad due to our lack of knowledge or due to what we see other people doing and so we may follow them in avoiding that thing. Try lifting up your face to the rain next time and feel it’s refreshing touch on your skin.

I’d like to end this post with something that my dad has said to me many times:

If you believe you are right, then give the other person the same right to believe they are also right. 

…Continued (Click here to read part 3)

I was YouTubing and came across this video. Do you ever feel like your mother treats you like this? It’s sicccccck bladddd! Man tells of his relationship wid his mum.

Something to make you laugh if you’re having a boring day. :)

If you enjoyed that, watch the next one!

Wagwan taliban!…dere’s still that connection init, I feel the tingling in ma bum init.

Life’s a gift, so appreciate it and thank Allah.

Have a lovely day, for you wont get another chance. Smile, and make others smile.

Because all our lives are variations on just a few themes, and all our questions, our hopes and fears and joys and sorrows, so similar, I can enter imaginatively into your world and your vulnerability as you can enter into mine. And we can exercise, compassion, a compassion born of empathy. Both words are synonyms for love, by which I don’t mean a romantic feeling but the readiness to give proper attention to whoever or whatever is before our eyes. – Michael Mayne.

A month or so ago, I posted an article from BBC news about the cost of love. It was looking at the ‘not so great’ aspects of love, such as blindness leading to being used, drifting apart and forgetting. You can read that article here. While reading the news this morning I came across the article above (click here) which cites research that has shown love can act like a painkiller and reduce the effects of pain. Seeing a picture of a loved one or thinking about them has a somewhat euphoric effect. Professor Paul Gilbert says, “It’s important to recognise that people who feel alone and depressed may have very low pain thresholds, whereas the reverse can be true for people who feel secure and cared for.” Nicely said prof.

Life’s fun with one, way better with two .

*****

Here’s another article I came across written by a clinical psychologist who actively believes in talking to her patients over the phone as a way of helping them deal with their problems. Though this article is written from a healthcare stance, I think it applies to everyone and talking to someone whether they be a doctor, psychologist, friend or family is something we could all benefit from.

A few days ago I was reading the news and came across the following article:

You can read the full article here. If you choose not to read the full article I’ll give you a brief summary of what it contains. If you have read it then feel free to skip the next paragraph.

A study carried out be researchers at Oxford University involving more than 500 participants, aged 18 or over, found that as we enter into a romantic relationship we do so at the cost of losing a few of our intimate friends. These friends are those who we would go to ‘at moments of crisis’. When we are in a fresh new relationship our support network can becomes smaller as we no longer spend as much quality time with those people that are close in our lives.

This topic of ‘love’ has been on my mind all summer. Love is a great thing, something the world really needs nowadays and we all know of it’s good aspects. But I’m going to look at it from the butt end and analyse some of the negative things or problems it can lead to.

Blind love or a blind you?

A few days after the beginning of Ramadhan I popped onto MySpace early in the morning just to check if I had any new messages or other notifications. It was 5.00 am so I wasn’t planning on staying for too long. In my inbox there was a message from a friend I had not spoken to for a good few months: “I could really do with talking to someone like you right now.” That’s all it said. It was sent just 5 minutes before so I signed onto MySpace chat to see if the person was online. She was. Turned out she was on holiday in Mexico visiting family and while there something had happened which upset her boyfriend back home here in England. No matter how many times she apologised and begged him to forgive her, she would still end up crying herself to sleep at night because of the hateful things he said. Another friend was madly in love with a guy who returned her love by calling her hurtful names and giving her nothing but grief. But being so head over heels in love she was just accepting it all; wiping away the tears of today hoping tomorrow would be better. Why the hell are you letting yourself be hurt so much?

People say love is blind but after thinking about it a bit and observing others in love, I’ve come to realise actually it’s not love which is blind. It will make YOU blind. Love is a good thing and being in love is great too. But some people are so obsessed by the whole thing to such an extent that they allow themselves to be used and trodden over repeatedly day after day and still cling onto the old memories of the way things were. Even when the other person obviously doesn’t ‘care’ any more and doesn’t ‘love’ them any more, they are unwilling to let go. Lying, cheating, breaking promises are all signs that maybe things have reached their end.

I guess you have to find out whether the happiness you derive from a relationship outweighs the trouble or tears it brings you. In some relationships you observe that one person spends their days in tears, in hurt and in sorrow and this has been going on for a very long time. It is those people especially who need to ask themselves whether the pains they face every day are worth it. When it comes to that stage, I think there are 2 choices. Firstly you can either keep going, hoping that things will get better. But how long will you wait? From what you can tell, it seems like the hurt isn’t going stop any time soon. The other choice I think, and most favourable one is letting go and saving yourself from a ship that has already started sinking and from which the other person took the lifeboat. Yes it’ll hurt too, but at least this time it wont be constant. At least this way the pain will lessen day by day and you can actually deal with it without having crap thrown at you all the time.

When you ask someone why they’re in a relationship from which the love and happiness has died, they either say, ‘because I love them’ or ‘I dunno.’ That’s when you know love has clouded their vision and is stopping them from seeing the pain they are allowing others to inflict on them. Like my lovely friend said, it can sometimes be insecurity and fear of being lonely. If you asked me, I’d rather be single and happy, than in a ‘relationship’ that would give me grey hair.

Nothing’s free, not even love

Back to the topic of the article that I have included above. Professor Dunbar, one of the members of the team that carried out this study says:

“The intimacy of a relationship – your emotional engagement with it – correlates very tightly with the frequency of your interactions with those individuals. If you don’t see people, the emotional engagement starts to drop off, and quickly.”

I think he’s got a very valid point. In our happiness of a new love, we spend so much time with them that sometimes we forget all those other people who were with us before. Those people, that helped us up every time we fell. Those people who we would run to in our times of need. It’s a big slap in the face to them when you no longer reply to their messages and texts or have time to go out with them or in some cases even have time to listen to them. Though people rarely ever say it out loud, but trust me they sure do feel it. And slowly slowly you begin to drift apart. It sucks.

I was discussing this with one of my friends yesterday and she said:

“Yes. It sure does. But in a way you can’t really blame anyone, it just happens yano.”

I agree with her completely. It isn’t really anyone’s fault as such but isn’t it a bit of a high price to pay for something that may not even last a week? And when it does screw-up, you’ve just lost yourself a friend who you would go to in such a situation. But it’s always avoidable right? You just have to play your cards right.

But then again, you may ask, you’ve never loved, how would you know? Question is, have I?