Closing Pandora's Box

Giaus	I have no choice. I’m sorry Gwen.
Gwen	In life you always have a choice. Sometimes it’s easier to think you don’t.
Giaus	Well then, my choice is to leave.

We make choices every day of our lives, every hour of our days, every minute of our hours and every second of our minutes. Our lives are replete with decisions and many of these choices we make consciously, spending minutes, hours, days, weeks and even months on them. Others are made in a split second, things we say in conversations, things said when high on the drug of happiness or low due to a lack of it.
There are some instances when due to circumstances we choose not to choose. But is it not paradoxical that when a person has a decision to make and does not make it, that in itself is a choice? And why do we do that? In such situations where we feel we have no choice and thus are indirectly forced to do something, we do it to protect ourselves or those really close to us. In doing so we may trample on others, the truth and much more to make sure we are safe. Blinded by our fear and that of the consequences we make ourselves believe what we are doing to be right. But is it ever right?
One way of defining a person is by their choices. People are commonly described as being reckless, driven by passion, logical (and the opposite), sharp-mined in regards to the choices they make. A person can be sweet to the core, full of goodness for others, mentally strong etcetera and yes those things do matter, but unless those internal qualities are expressed externally, no-one will be able to appreciate them or experience them. Never a judge a person on what he can or can’t do, but by what he does or doesn’t do. We all have ability, maybe not the same but ability nonetheless and some people choose to use that ability whereas others choose not to. Humans have been given free will, thus each and every day we can choose to bring light to the lives of others or take it away from them. We choose whether our actions do good or evil. It is that which raises you in the eyes of others, or condemns you to the scum of society.
Our choices shape our lives and subsequently our ourselves. This process only ends with our last breath. We are free to make choices, but we are not free to decide the consequences of our actions which may reverberate for many many years to come. Our choices are ultimately our own responsibility. Many of us have seen how sometimes we make detailed plans for our lives but our choices burn them to ashes. After all life is nothing but the sum of our choices; some good and some bad. A person learns to make good decisions after having experienced the consequences of bad ones previously made. Though none of us have the ability to see into the future, we have been given understanding which is especially important when making decisions. Until we take responsibility and accountability for our actions, we will never make worthwhile choices. ”We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them,” (Khalil Gibran).
All animals choose. It is our ability to consciously think and understand before we decide something that makes us different from animals and other organisms. But choosing to be a good human is one of the hardest choices to make. A wise person once said, “You (always) have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. To be or not to be.”
What do you choose?
Title: Anyway – Martina McBride

The men, the women, the children walk
In a line, on the side of the dusty track.
Feet scraping, shoulders hunched, in silence, no talk.
Left, right, left, right, left, right, there’s no going back.

Some carry their lives in bundles, on their heads, their backs or hanging by their side,
Under the burden of memories, others carry themselves from falling to the ground.
Their shadows spill around them, forming dark puddles where they collide
Left right, left right, left, there’s no turning around.

They are  like soldiers, they are martyrs, each one an exile,
Marching in suits starched with mud, others with dresses torn.
Feet hurting, cuts in skin that is still fragile.
Left, right, left, right, it’s behind, a cause forlorn.

Where are they to go?
Left, right, left, no rhythm in their feet.
The eyes of the world are on them, what do they have to show?
Left, right. Maybe one day  they will be back, they are not yet beat.

Nas - (March 2011)

This poem I wrote after a 3 year drought of poem writing and so thought I’d share it with you.

*****

“Most of the patients here,” she said. “Suffer from terminal illnesses and disease. Many have been told they have limited time to live.” It was another day at the hospice training. And we were having a group discussion. “I want you all to get into pairs and threes if needed, and discuss what you would do if you were told you had a short amount of time to live?” I ask you that question,

What would you do if you were told you would die soon?

“It’s important because many of us never think about it. And I think we should ask it because it reminds us of our mortality.” She said after the discussion.

*****

Many people in the Middle East, in New Zealand, in Japan, were forced to ask themselves this question. There are people living today, who have the shadow of death hanging over their shoulder and they just do not know when their counter will stop counting. We’ve all heard and seen pictures of the death, the destruction, the suffering those people are going through. We’ve all heard the stories of poverty and persecution some people are a victim of each day of their lives.

When you jump into bed tonight, just spare a minute for those people, who do not have a bed in which to to sleep. Think of those people who will be resting their head amid the sound of gun fire. Think of those people who will be cuddling up against rubble. Think of the elderly, the children, the sick, the injured. Think of those that have lost brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters and friends. Think of them and say a prayer.

Please do give generously to those charitable organisations that are providing aid to those in need to the best of your ability.

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Title: Better Days – Goo Goo Dolls
Picture 1, showing a girl walking with a bag through rubble taken from here.
Picture 2, showing a woman prisoner taken from here.
Picture 3, showing a frail man laying taken from here.

This post I initially started writing back in February. Today I thought I’d sit down and just get it done.

*****

Her: My granddad is ill, and the doctors have said he’s about to die.
Me: I’m really sorry to hear that.
Her: I don’t want him to die ;(
Me: Everyone has to die some time. Maybe it’s just his time. Maybe he’s waiting for you give him permission to go.
Her: But I don’t care. I’ll miss him so much.
Me: You’d rather he suffer?
Her: ;(
Me: Has anyone told him what the doctors have said?
Her: No. We didn’t think it would be good for him.
Me: Why not? He knows he’s ill, maybe it would be better if he be told everything. At least that way he could start to prepare.
Her: But I don’t want him to go!

~ Sometime in late January

*****

Him: I’m sorry I’m late.
Me: Don’t worry about it. I’ve only had to deal with a hugely long queue, do so much washing up, and anyway, you’re always late so it doesn’t really matter. But why are you late?
Him: *shakes head* My cousin passed away in the morning.
Me: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that man. What happened if you don’t mind me asking?
Him: He was sitting there with his family. And just started having a fit. Before anything could be done, he was gone.
Me: That’s horrible. How old was he?
Him: Only 16.
Me: Damn. Only started his life as well. And then this happens.
Him: He was an only child too. His parents were so distraught.
Me: *I thought of Charley, she too was an only child. Her parents were left in such a bad state after she passed away* I can only imagine. It must be so hard on them.
Him: And you know what it makes me think? What’s the point of it all? What’s the point of life? And God? Only 16.
Me: I know. It must have been just so unexpected. When was the last time you saw him?
Him: Ummm about 6 months ago. No Christmas, so 3 months ago.
Me: Life’s such a bitch sometimes. Were you guys close?
Him: Yeah sort of. He used to look up to me as a role model. Do things I did etc etc. But damn it really makes you wonder.
Me: Yeah reminds you just how unexpected the future can be, and just how mortal we are. Would you like a hug?

~ Last week

*****

When I started my training for working at the hospice, along with the introductory pack we were also given a list of books that we might find worthwhile reading. Among them was a book that I posted a quote from before. I got this book from the library in November and finished reading it a few days ago. The book I am referring to is Intimate Death: How the dying teach us to live. This book is, I can honestly say, amazing. Marie De Hennezel takes us on a short journey to meet with terminally ill patients, many of whom initially wish to end their lives. That is, until they meet Hennezel. During their meetings with her, and the love, affection and concern she shows allows them to discover something deep within themselves, a hidden strength, a hidden desire to live another day, week, or month.

The book is extremely inspiring; full of accounts of people who, in some cases due to no fault of their own, are condemned to live a life of very few days. There was one patient in particular who, despite being unable to move at all except her eye lids and one finger, was full of life and wanted to live. Daniele is young (early 20’s I think. I forgot to write down her age) and suffers from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis¹, a neurodegenerative disease caused by degeneration of the motor neurons. Motor neurons, for those of you who are not familiar with them, are the nerves that control all our voluntary movement. This includes smiling, talking, moving your body parts etc. Her condition is so severe that she relies on others to turn her head after a while to prevent her from swallowing her own tongue and choking on it. The only voluntary control she has is the movement of her eye lids and the ability to move one of her fingers. It is with this finger that she communicates with the world through a type writer. There are many moving scenes with her, but I want to share just 2 of them with you.

*****

Daniele is laboriously picking out the letters on the screen. I bend over to look. In this position, half-lying on the bed beside her, we are very close. She says that makes her feel good.

She always wanted to be given lots of love, and now she is getting it in abundance. But it is so difficult to receive it. She talks about her family’s love, and that of her friends and those who take care of her, as “a fountain from which she doesn’t know how to drink,” and she adds, “Perhaps you have to learn to become a little child again, humble enough to accept the gift.”

And this is not easy, because Daniele was the absolute opposite: she loved to give egotistically. Knowing how to receive requires abandoning oneself, letting go, an attitude dramatically opposed to the way she’s always been. Will her current journey lead her to explore this fallow ground?

“What kind of journey is illness dragging us through?” She often refers to this idea of a journey. For her, the whole idea of going forward, of moving, is primordial. How can she live in her paralysis except by moving psychologically?

Fine-tuned and intelligent, she has decided to take up the challenge of this illness. “I can tell you my weapons: Avoid all comparisons with the past and learn to live this as a particularly long and difficult passage. You see, I don’t know how many years the ordeal will last, but there are difficult lessons, and they need time.”

Sometimes Daniele cries. But tears run down her face, which undo us.

“I didn’t let the emotion out before, but now that my virus has taken my speech and my muscles, I can’t keep it in anymore.”

She writes about just how difficult it is to be there without voice and without movement.²

Movement as well as talking is one of the most primitive of things. We don’t even think about moving, it just happens. Can you imagine life without it?

*****

Baths for bed-ridden patients. Daniele is given a bath:

I wait for the staff to get her into bed and finish what they have to do before I go to her. She’s relaxed, bright-eyed, ready to write.

“Being washed can be like a party – lots of sweet smells, massage that makes you feel like you’re being caressed, peals of conspiratorial laughter.” And then: “Talking about pleasure, how could I never have noticed that moving is one of them? Will I ever get it back, or will it always be a matter of some kind of complicated exercise? Movement is the most primitive pleasure there is – you have to undergo such ordeals to find treasures you never dreamed of.”

When I left Daniele, all I wanted to do was go and run barefoot in the grass like a mad thing. Get drunk on movement! I took my car and went to the park at Sceaux. It was warm, and I realized that the days were getting longer. On the big lawn in front of the castle, I took the most immense pleasure in running, spinning in circles, feeling the warm, damp earth under my feet, and I said thank you to life and to Daniele for such a conscious flash of pure joy.³

*****

This book taught me a lot. It taught me the importance of living. Daniele’s example especially was heart-rendering. Despite being able to do very little, she still enjoyed life. Yes there were periods when her disability left her drowning in tears she was unable to wipe away, but even then, her positivity was awe-inspiring.

Many people are scared to break bad news to extremely ill loved ones because they are afraid the effect it would have may be detrimental. ‘We think we’re protecting the person who’s dying , but aren’t we first and foremost trying to protect ourselves? What do we know of the innermost feelings of the dying? Do we not underestimate their capacity to face things squarely?’⁴

For anyone who feels they have forgotten how to live, this book will show you just how great life can be and how much we take for granted. I would honestly recommend it to each and every person, because death is something all of us have to face. This book will just make it a wee bit easier understanding it and give you the ability to aid the dying.

We can’t escape death, but we can live while we have the chance. ‘Spend the afternoon. You can’t take it with you’.⁵

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Title: If I die young – The Band Perry
Picture 1, showing running barefoot on the grass taken from here
¹More information about ALS can be found here
²Intimate Death: How the dying teach us to live, pages 121-122
3Intimate Death: How the dying teach us to live, page 123
⁴Intimate Death: How the dying teach us to live, page 13
⁵Annie Dillard

This is a song EllaUnread posted on her blog. I loved it, and so borrowed (without asking) it to share with you guys:

I’ve had a bit of a tough and tiring week, and this song really put a smile on my face (thank you Ella). And I hope it puts a smile on yours too.

Have a lovely weekend everyone. :)

[ This is a scheduled post ]

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Title: On the bright side – NeverShoutNever!

This is the story of my life,
And I write it everyday
I know it isn’t black and white
And it’s anything but grey
I know that no I’m not alright, but I feel okay ‘cos
Anything can, everything can happen
That’s the story of my life…

I’m gonna write the melody
That’s gonna make history,
And when I paint my masterpiece I swear I’ll show you first
There just ain’t a way to see who and why or what will be
Till now is then
It’s a mystery, it’s a blessing and a curse
Or something worse

This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday,
And I hope you’re by my side when I’m writing the last page.¹

The lyrics of the song posted above, is one that I first heard a very long time ago with a very special person. Though that person is no longer here, this song still reminds me of her and the promises we made together. However this post is not one about Charley, but about life. That same life, which like a credit card that is topped every midnight to a balance of 86,400, many of us forget to exploit to it's full potential. Just stop reading for a minute, and think about it. If you were told you would be given a total of £86,400 to spend each day in whatever way you liked what would you do? At the end of each day however, any money left unspent would be discarded and you would not be able to transfer it to the next day. Would anyone in their right mind let any of that money go? You could use that money to spoil yourself and others, give to those in need, fulfil your dreams and the list goes on and on and on. It’s the same with life. There are 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in each and every minute. That’s a total of 86,400 seconds, which once gone will never come back. What have you done with your balance? Many of us are guilty of not living, but merely existing.

That is not to say that when we are overcome by difficulties, hardships, grief or run out of breath we don’t stop and take a Time-Out. The one that has never experienced suffering never lived and the one having suffered was unable to find happiness never learned.² Sometimes you don’t want to go on, sometimes you’re so tired, exhausted and worn-out by trying to live that you just wish to stop. Like my lovely friend Marshmallow said to me:

It’s okay to say, “I wanna stay in bed today, I’m taking a day off”. Let someone else carry your burdens for you for a day, just like you carried theirs.

It’s okay to hurt and to cry, but it’s stupidity when that same hurt, whether it be due to the breakup of a relationship, loss of a job or the death of a loved one for example, steals your life and makes you dead. The world unfortunately goes on, and unless you jump back on the ride, you’ll get left behind.

Those that sow in tears, reap in joy.³

*****

Fear not when, fear not why,
Fear not much while were alive,
Life is for living not living up tight,
See ya somewhere up in the sky,
Fear not die, I'll be alive for a million years, bye bye…⁴

Conditions of accepting award:

1. Thank and put a link back to the person who so kindly gave this award.
2. Share a few things about yourself.
3. Pass the award onto some mighty fine bloggers.
4. Inform these mighty fine bloggers that they have received the award.

Here goes:

1. I was totally humbled and honoured to receive this award, given to me by the amazing Gary (@Klahanie). If you have forgotten the worth of living, or have realised that you just do not know how good it is to be alive, then I would tell you to read (not recommend) Gary’s blog. Each and every post is written with such honesty, emotion and thought that it is bound to leave a mark on each and every reader. Each and every word written is so beautiful, that it is poetical. Thank you ever so much.
2. This is the first hardest thing I find…
   1. My brother has started calling me ‘red nose reindeer’ as I have a spot on my nose. It’s bright red because of all the poking I’ve been doing to it (any help?).
   2. I appreciate and really value the simple things in life; family, friends, memories, moments and coffee dates for example.
   3. Whenever starting on a project, I always go for the designing first. The writing comes later. If it doesn’t look good, who’s gonna read it?
   4. I suck at remembering in general - names, dates, names of diseases and drugs, the list is endless. If I forget your birthday, forgive me!
   5. I’m not married but I celebrate anniversaries.
   6. If you gave me a jar of green olives, NOM NOM NOM, and you’ll have no idea where it went. They are from heaven.
   7. I want to be a paediatric surgeon one day insha’Allah. But I wouldn’t mind being a teacher.
   8. If you have a packet of cookies, you can bribe me to do pretty much anything (nearly).
   9. I don’t know why I am still making this list, it has taken me 20 minutes just to write the last 8 facts.
3. This is the second hardest thing I find…
   1. Ella Unread (From the STUPIDEST corner of my mind)  is a blogger that I recently discovered. Though I haven’t read much of her writing, but from the little I have read of her poems, I have to say they are beautiful. You may read one of her poems and nod your head in agreement because they are just so…human.
   2. Kamila’s blog (Basket of Dreams), is full of sugar and spice and all things nice. She writes about so many different things I don’t where to start. But one thing is true, after reading her blog you’ll want to do some of the ideas she proposes because they are just so cool!
   3. Apart from the fact that AcetylCholine (Critical Velocity) is a bad influence on me Martian (I think ), she writes about everything and nothing from the umpteen number of Ipod headphones she’s been through, or more recently how cytochrome bc1 complex lead to the invention of a cuss word. Her style makes it worth reading.
   4. Gelovsky (GELOVSKY ^_^) is an optimist, sarcastic and fantastic who is another blogger I have recently started following.
   5. Pooja (Just Breathe) is honest, straight up and living life to the full. No beating around the bush one may say, and that is why I think she is deserving of this award. Keep, smiling, keep eating the Gulab Jamuns⁵ and keep living!
   6. The person with no name an undisclosed name (TheraScribbles) suffers from depression and started writing as a way of helping. The blog is extremely thought provoking, eye-opening and inspiring.
   7. Hijabi Hippie Hypo (Hijabi Hippie Hypo & Overcoming Obstacles) hasn’t written for a very long time and so I hope this gives her reason to change that. Her blog is always a pleasure to read, full of pictures, drawings, book and film reviews; there’s always something new to keep you interested.
   8. Leah’s (My Tasty Treasures) blog is tasty and one of the major reasons why is because it requires the reader to think, and asks questions. There are lots of pretty pictures coupled with wonderful bits of prose.
   9. Furree Katt (The Jackky Bhagnani Obsession) deserves this award because I once gave her an award that she gave to me. That’s like someone giving you a gift and you giving it back to them, which is not very nice. And so to make up for it, I’m giving her this, for her passionate, interesting and funny writing.

Have a lovely weekend everyone. :)

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Title: Story of my life – Bon Jovi
¹Lyrics from the same song as the title
²For your story, Part 2 – page 8. 
³Psalms 126:5
⁴Young Forever – Jay Z feat. Mr Hudson
⁵Gulab Jamun – A popular sweet eaten in the subcontinent.