Showing posts with label Spiders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiders. Show all posts

Like spiders, we make silk; the thread of our lives.

The web of life. Sprawling. Interconnected. Laced together with fine strings of silk. Each thread, a different moment, a different relationship, a different entity, held together with the glue of emotion. Each fine fibre holds firm another, supporting and being supported. And yet at times it feels so flimsy and weak. All it takes is the blink of an eye, a moment, an incident, the breath of a single word to tear it all apart. And then you are left with the pieces of your life scattered across the floor. Battered, broken and longing for a reason to believe.

The silk of a spider is stronger than steel, they say. It acts as a place to sleep, a place to catch food and much more. Who taught the spider how to spin its web? We humans regularly demolish these beautiful structures. What do spiders do? They move on, and rebuild their lives, from scratch.

Bad things happen, but life goes on.
It is not long before we go are gone.1

God gave everyone the ability to make a life for themselves. Yet, “we do not rise to the level of our abilities, but fall to the lies (sic) of our excuses”.2 When it feels like it is all disintegrating, remember the spider. Every thread you lay, make sure it is stronger than steel. And try again. Remember, when it all seems to be falling apart, it may just be falling into place.3 Remember, and keep the faith.

*****

Thank you to B for giving me the idea for this post. I dedicate this to Tutti Fruitti and all others who are going through testing times.

_________________________________

Photograph of an exposed web just after sunrise from personal photography, available here.
1 A couplet from a poem I once wrote.
2 This was a quote I posted on Twitter in the last couple of weeks, but I can no longer remember where / who it’s from.
3 This is another quote I posted onto Twitter a month or so ago. Unfortunately I cannot remember its source.

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far away from here…

“Gravity is a force,” I said. “Caused by attraction between things.”

“So how was it discovered?” my brother asked with the distinctive I’m in the mood of asking a lot of questions look etched all over his face.

“Ummm, some guy called Issac Newton was sitting under a tree one day and an apple fell and hit him on the head or something along those lines. He sat down and thought why it happened,” I replied trying to remember physics from a long time ago. I stopped liking physics after year 9, so the direction of this conversation was not good. But It was my fault really; I had promised him that I would help him with his studies.

“That’s a dumb thing to think about. He got hit because he was sitting in the wrong place! And he’s so weird too. Whenever I get hit on the head, I get a headache and can’t be bothered to work. But I still don’t know how to answer this question. What is gravity?”

gravity“Everything that has mass has gravity. So basically that means everything attracts everything else. Those things that are big have lots of gravity and attract smaller things to them. Small things also have gravity but it’s so weak it isn’t really noticed. That’s why things fall to the earth and apples hit you on the head because the earth is just so huge.”

His brow crossed even further. “But then why does my fart smell go in all directions?”

“Why would anyone or thing want to be attracted your farts? They’re lethal man!” I replied, trying to supress my laughter at his logic.

“You know when I get married, does that mean my wife has to be really fat because I want someone that’s really attracted to me?” he asked in his 12 year old confused and innocent *cough* voice.

*****

Do you remember the days when you could run around naked or just in your pampers and everyone would smile at you and hug you (if your pampers were clean) and it was all perfectly normal. You could say and ask pretty much any thing and no-one would think of you as a complete dufus. Asking questions I think is extremely important. It helps us understand, pass exams, and sometimes lets us know we’re doing the right thing and brings us peace of mind.

When I was 16 or so, I came to a stage of my life where I began to question. Life hadn’t really been a joyride and I wanted answers. One of the things I began to doubt was God. Where was He when I called for Him? Why did it seem as if He wasn’t answering any of my prayers? It was a bit of a downwards spiral falling into an abyss of darkness.

GCSE exam time came. I hadn’t really prepared, due to the ‘baggage’ that was weighing me down but biology is a subject that I’ve always enjoyed and it was probably one of the few subjects I had put some work into. As I sat down in the big hall with bright lights above, the heat became noticeable. I needed some water but my bottle was ice and literally frozen because I had forgotten to take it out of the freezer in the morning. I licked my lips trying to stop them from drying too much. On the table in front of me I could see my shadow; hair pointing skywards with something moving in it. What the hell? After a few minutes I managed to remove a minute spider from my hair. At that time I used to be hysterically scared of spiders and a spider in the same room as me would be an excuse to get up and run like my younger brother (read here). It was small and I felt sorry for it having been lost in the gelled up jungle on top of my head. I put it on the the table and left it to do what it wanted climbing and crawling all over the place.

The biology exam begun. It was going okay; I’d done most of it and with 20 minutes left there were only a handful of questions I couldn’t answer. One of them was about mitosis, a process which results in the formation of 2 identical daughter cells from one parent cell. There were 6 diagrams on the page labelled A, B, C, D, E, and  and at the bottom of the page were 6 empty boxes into which we had to place the letters in order of what stage that picture represented of the cell division cycle. I had done the first 2 and the last 2, but the middle 2 were giving me problems. I know this. I had spent 3 hours the night before learning this exact cycle. Help me God, I know this. Please help me. I just sat there for a few minutes reciting all the prayers I had ever learnt, relevant and irrelevant, hoping that something would happen, hoping that He would plant the seed of knowledge which I was after in my mind. He did better than that.

I don’t really know how to describe this next bit because sitting there watching things unfold, I could not believe what was happening. The spider that had been walking all over my arm and enjoying the freedom of the table suddenly stopped and made its way to the centre of the exam paper. It was so small and helpless I decided to let it do what it wanted. Anyway I had much bigger problems to deal with. Subsequently, It walked onto one of the 2 pictures I was confused about, changed direction and faced the empty box on the right. I couldn’t believe what was happening. When the little insect walked into an empty box, I was too stunned to do anything. How could a spider so small answer the mitosis question I was stuck on for so long? The overwhelming warmth and awe of the moment left me momentarily stunned. It was then that I realised He was there, listening to me. It was then any doubt I had about His existence were removed and I once again became a true believer. It was also then that I stopped being scared of spiders.

*****

There’s some more things I have to add to this but I’ll save them for another post.

=].

Crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal, fear is how I fall, confusing what is real….

Don’t you just hate it that just as you’re about to go to the toilet a queue forms. And it's the same when you're in the toilet. Just as you sit down, and start to doze off someone knocks really loudly or shouts at you from the outside. Whoever invented the toilet seat was a right legend, but I'll not go into that for now. Anyway, so there I was just getting out of my room heading towards the toilet when my brother ran in, turned on the light, SCREAMED so loud and high pitched-ly and ran out faster than he ran in (except this time he was half naked). Normally he likes to annoy me and goes to the toilet when he sees I’m about to answer nature’s call. But today it was different. It’s very rare for him to spend less than 5 minutes in there when he knows I want to go in.

“What happened to you?” I asked quite amused by the whole thing.

“There’s a HUGE spider in there,” he replied in between his constant screaming.

I rolled my eyes and laughed. Out of the four of us, I’m the only one who’s not afraid of spiders or any other insect for that matter. If a fly, moth, spider, or anything which doesn’t resemble a human or anything that is not big and furry enough to be a domestic pet enters the house, the other 3 tear the whole house down with their screams.

Personally I quite like spiders. A teeny weeny one helped me get an A* in my biology GCSE exam. It’s another story which I think I’ll leave for now. (If you remember, feel free to remind me and I’ll tell you that too!).

*****

Everyone has their own fears and phobias. There’s more phobias then you could possibly imagine. Just think of it this way, there’s a phobia for pretty much anything and everything. For example there’s bogyphobia (no that’s not a fear of bogey’s but it’s close) which when coupled with achluophobia may lead to fromclinophobia. There are some phobias which can seriously affect a person’s day to day life. For example some people suffer from withchronophobia or hypnophobia or logophobia or hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. The list is endless. (No I’m not going to explain what each one means. justgoogleit.com).

I remember just before we started 6th form, we were all taken out on an activity day to help us get to know our form members better and partake in various team activities. For each activity points were awarded for how well we completed it and how much time we used. There was one challenge that involved climbing up a ladder to a small platform approximately 10 metres up a tree from which we had to jump and touch a ball that was suspended some distance away in the middle. No-one was volunteering to do it. So I mustered up some courage and decided I’d give it a go. What’s the worst that could happen? Let me tell you something here, I’m shit scared of heights. But I still love to stand on high places and look down just so I can have that weird feeling in my stomach. Just as I reached the top and stood on the platform did I realise just how high off the ground I was. It was then that my fear kicked in and I questioned why the hell my balls had grown suddenly for me to volunteer. The fastening heart-beat, the sweating, you know the classical symptoms all followed.

Whenever fear tries to over take me or helplessness tries to stop me from doing anything I have a certain ‘ritual’ to focus and overcome those feelings. I close my eyes and give fear 5 seconds to do what it wants. That’s all. Then I recite durood-shareef and think of someone close like a family member or a dear friend and dedicate what I am about to do to them. It melts away the darkest of my fears. After that nothing can stop me…

How do you deal with your fears and what do you do when you are in a situation where quick action is needed but your body just freezes?