After my dreaming I woke with this fear; what am I leaving when I’m done here? When my time comes forget the wrong that I’ve done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed…

“So this is it then?” she asked, staring at him intently.

“Yeah,” he replied, nodding slowly.

“But why? Why now?”  He remained quiet and continued to stir his latte. “Will you stop that please?” She said irately.

“What? I’m just mixing this,” he retorted.

“You haven’t even added the sugar yet, what are you mixing it for?”

Quiet.

“Is it because of the haters?” she nudged trying to understand.

“I’ve had a lot of haters. Some people hate because they’re jealous of what you have. Others hate because they are unable to refute what you have to say due to ignorance or stupidity. But sometimes, just like I don’t necessarily like everyone I come across doesn’t mean they gotta like me either,” he said quietly, eyes still not meeting hers.

“What about the others? Surely not everyone is a hater?” She said.

“Are you trying to make me change my mind?” he asked, a flicker of a smile in his eyes.

“Just shurrup and answer the question,” she retorted.

“No, not everyone is a hater. There’s balance in everything. With the bad there is always some good.”

“So then why?” she asked for the second time.

His latte was cold, lacking in warmth just like the words that came out his mouth. Resigned words that had accepted fate, cold and calculating. He finally looked up, held her tenderly in his gaze and let his words fill the empty gaps that remained. “Everyone talks these days,  but there’s only a few people who actually say something worth listening to,” he explained. “I just need some time to deal with a few things and find the one that used to own this place. It’s his responsibility to bring this place back to its former glory.”

“Deal with what?”

He shook his head but didn’t speak.

“But will you be coming back? So this isn’t goodbye?”

The poker face was back. The mask had fallen. His eyes gave nothing away. “I just don’t know yet. I don’t even know if I want to be back. And what if I don’t find the person who built this place from scratch? What point will there be then? None.”

Silence sat in between them again. No-one else seemed to notice. The waitress cursed trying to clean the marks left by the man with his Swiss army knife. What mark will I leave behind he thought to himself. Will people curse when I am gone too?

[5th May 2012]

*****

I wrote the above before I was leaving but didn’t finish it so it never got posted. I thought now was an appropriate time to do so.

If it is time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. – The Doctor (Doctor Who)

 

Ladies and gentlemen, friends and foes, girls and boys, giraffes and giraffesses (?) I am back!

_________________________________

Title: Leave out all the rest – Linkin Park

20 Response to "After my dreaming I woke with this fear; what am I leaving when I’m done here? When my time comes forget the wrong that I’ve done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed…"

  1. P Says:

    That was brilliant, like reading a novel that wasx. Oh & how I love lattés! :) x

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Great to have you back Nas, you were definitely missed.

  3. R Says:

    Giraffesses? really? 8-)
    Welcome backkk! x

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Oh, Nas. It's great to see you back! Assalam-u-alaikum!

  5. monamour Says:

    good to have you back :)

  6. lil-bee Says:

    I sing that song ALL the time :D

    Btw what kind of cheap cups do they use at this coffee place .. a few stirs and his latte is cold?!?! o.O

    Welcome back punk 8-)

  7. Az Says:

    Great to have you back :)

  8. Noor Says:

    glad you are back. A warm welcome for you. :)

  9. PG Says:

    i missed you sooooo much Nas! i emailed you too. no reply! :(

  10. Faryal Hasan Says:

    Brilliance!

  11. Nas Says:

    @ P: Oh it's been weeks since I last had one!

  12. Nas Says:

    @ Anon: Thank you, whoever you are, you lovely soul.

  13. Nas Says:

    @ R: Shush man! I couldn't think of anything better! Thanks x

  14. Nas Says:

    @ Tazeen: Walaikum salaam Tee! Thank you. It's nice being back.

  15. Nas Says:

    @ monamour: Thanks Dr R.

  16. Nas Says:

    @ lil-Bee: Dunno man! Thanks!

  17. Nas Says:

    : Azra: Thank you!

  18. Nas Says:

    @ Noor: Thank you very much Noor!

  19. Nas Says:

    @ PG: I am so so sorry! I didn't receive anything. I emailed you when I read your comment, did you get it?

  20. Nas Says:

    @ Faryal Hasan: Merci!

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