Closing Pandora's Box

The father of a guy I work with regularly passed away in the early hours of the morning. A few days ago Marshmallow’s grandfather passed away. Earlier this year it was Bubblegum’s friend, Charley and my great aunt. The list is endless.

“Would you like some tea?” He asked.

“No thanks, I’m not much of a tea drinker,” I replied.

I paid a visit to his house to offer my condolences and as I looked through his eyes into the depth of his world, I caught a glimpse of the shadow of sorrow. I didn’t really know his father, so just listened to the other elders talking of the deceased. It reminded of something I read a few days ago in a book recommended by the hospice. The book titled, ‘Intimate death, how the dying teach us to live,’ is written by Marie De Hennezel, a psychologist who worked among a palliative care team in Paris, ‘tells us how to deal with death and talk to the dying – how to avoid despair and find the strength to confront and accept the end’ based on her experience. I’ve only read the forward and the preface and this following thought-provoking quote was something I’d like to share:

Even when one enters final helplessness, one can still love and feel loved, and many of the dying, in their last moments, send back a poignant message: Don’t pass by life; don’t pass by love. The ending of the life of someone you love can allow you to accompany that person to the very last step. How many of us grasp this opportunity? Instead of looking oncoming death squarely in the face, we behave as if it will never come. We lie to one another, we lie to ourselves, and instead of giving voice to the essential, instead of exchanging words of love, or gratitude, or forgiveness, instead of leaning on one another for support in the extraordinary “crossing” that is the death of someone we love, pooling all the wisdom, the humor, and the love of which we’re capable for the moment of actual encounter, we allow this final, essential, unique moment of life to be mired in silence and solitude. – Marie De Hennezel.

After the death of a loved one, I think you can find peace and healing. I wish I had told him that it is okay to feel a range of emotions, some that you may not think to be appropriate. Time will help you overcome the anger and will dull the pain of loss. But you will always remember the person you lost. After all, they were an important part of your life.