Closing Pandora's Box

Selfish.

That one word sums up the attitude that society had for working mothers and to some extent still does.

Even recently I saw an admin post on a Facebook page using the word selfish and clearly stating that working mothers are the reason that there is a rise in young people committing crimes etc.

There are many studies which suggest that a working mother can harm her child’s development but also studies which contradict this. But I do not feel it is as simple as comparing a working mother against a stay at home mum.

I am a working mother. So…..am I selfish?

No I do not believe so.

I went to work when my daughter was 1. Did my daughter lose out? No. She was with my parents and I was only working for 4 hours a day. She got to spend some quality time with her grandparents and I got to get out of the house and earn some money.

Now that she is 5 my working hours fit around her. I drop her off at school and I pick her up.

Is the fact that I am a working mother adversely affecting her?

No.

She is advanced with her reading and is pretty much in the top groups at school. We take holidays, and although I am not with her 24/7 in the summer holidays, I make sure we do a number of activities. So I do not think that anyone can say that she is missing out.

I do realise though that some working mothers do neglect their children. For them their careers are more important, and their children hardly see there parents and are raised by child-minders and nannies.  Or some working mothers do not manage their time wisely and find the right balance; then the children suffer.

I work because we cannot manage on my husband’s salary alone. We could if we claimed benefits and I refuse to do that. I would rather work for my money. And I resent people who sit their in their comfy homes passing judgement on working mothers without knowing the full facts or generalising.

Just because a child has it’s mother at home all the time does not mean the child will turn out to be a well balanced child, in fact some mothers do more harm to their children being IN their lives. So I believe the debate of working mum v stay at home mum is unfair. It depends on the mother herself, the kind of family life they have, it can even depend on whether the mother is educated or not.

Being a working mother is a challenge in itself and yes it can be stressful at times; in fact it can end up being a juggling act. However if you remain organised and manage your time wisely then it makes life easier. I have sometimes felt it has gotten a bit too much and on odd occasions I have gotten stressed and angry; I sometimes want to just come home and put my feet up like hubby does but unfortunately I don’t often get that luxury.

By Foz
http://www.muslimmummies.com/
http://twitter.com/@muslimmummies

While women represent half of the world’s population, they work nearly two-thirds of all working hours, but receive only one-tenth of the world’s income and own less than one per cent of the world’s property.

These statistics alone demonstrate the extent of the gender inequality that women face every day, and I want to explore this multi-faceted problem that is often brushed under the carpet.

Birth

Much of the inequality that women face begins when they are very young. For some, it begins when they are born. Even in this day and age, in specific cultures but across the board, baby boys are preferred to girls. A recent study of families in India uncovered that up to 6 million female foetuses have been aborted in the past decade. This was particularly prevalent in families who had already had a baby girl, and found out their second child was going to be a girl. As a Pakistani, I understand the cultural implications and the pressure that mothers face to conceive boys. Boys are given a higher status because in Asian cultures, bloodlines and families are highly significant, and a baby boy is treated as an heir as he will carry the familial status, whereas girls are highly likely to take their spouses surnames once they marry.

From an Islamic historical perspective, as the Prophet Muhammad (May peace and blessings be upon him) was growing up, it was commonplace for baby girls to be buried alive simply because of their sex. However, the Prophet himself discouraged this barbaric practice, and as example, advocated the well-treatment of daughters and wives.

Education and the workplace

From reading the book by Feminist Kat Banyard entitled “The Equality Illusion”, I learnt that the gender divide comes into play as soon as children start school. It is in school that girls learn that they must like all things pink and fluffy, that they must show a disinterest in sport, and that they are naturally quite creative but do not have a flair for maths and science- so they don’t even try. Chemistry sets and building and construction toys are packaged in such a way that sends a subconscious message that they are only for boys, and girls are only encouraged to play with Barbie dolls and kitchen sets.

I was reading a blog a few weeks ago in which the packaging of toys was being discussed, and prior to the early 1990s, the free toys in McDonald’s children’s happy meals were unisex. It was only after 1990 that employees asked the parents if the meal was for a girl or boy. Recently, the toy store Hamley’s announced it is to remove the signs “girl” and “boy” from its toy shelves, and not to divide each section into pink and blue.

It is in school that we all have our first experience of making friends, and very quickly, there is a divide of the sexes within friendship groups. It’s clear that school is a place where the clear gender boundaries, roles and identities are laid down, which is a societal flaw.

Despite this, girls are flourishing more than ever academically and are constantly out-performing boys. However, this success does not translate to when girls actually enter the workplace, as females performing the same work as males get paid up to twenty per cent less. So why is this happening? This is partly because of the subjects girls are choosing to study and consequently the fields they end up working in. Girls are sticking to entering “traditional” fields and apply for posts such as sales assistant, healthcare or secretarial jobs. This could be because these are the types of jobs women aspire to but they only aspire to such jobs thinking they are “appropriate” for their gender and skills-base.

Women are also more likely than men to take up part-time jobs, due to caring commitments, which widens the pay gap. Part-time work may be useful, but it is less secure and part-time workers are often not protected by legislation or unions.

For me, and other like-minded feminists, the key to achieving equality simply requires a change in attitudes. If women were regarded as the same way in which men were- simply as fellow human beings, then women and society as a whole could progress and achieve so much more. Women’s role as mothers is downplayed but is so vital in educating and rearing the future generations and future leaders of this world. Change must come from within, but men can also help the feminist cause, by pledging to treat the females in their lives as equals, and not relegating them. And it is also up to the women to respect and value themselves and know they deserve better.

By Hijabi Hippie Hypo
http://glandtastic.blogspot.com/
http://twitter.com/hijabihippie

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Sources:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/24/india-families-aborting-girl-babies

I am sorry but what evidence do you have to prove that all of us are created equally? There is no evidence whatsoever. But there is evidence that we are NOT created equally.
Some people are born with inherent diseases. Some people are born with inherent qualities and they always outperform you, whether it be academics and sports (I am jealous of them). Why such injustices on those who were born (un) equal.
Evolution does not give us equality. Evolution has made all of us unequal in one way or another. Us trying to harp about "equality" is only damaging to our evolution as an animal species.
Inequality is the sole reason why there is diversity in life. Some are strong, some are weak, some are white, some are black, some have blue eyes, others have brown. Yet all of these traits have benefits. Blue eyes for example are interpreted as sign of beauty and good genes and this increases the sexual selection pressures on the female possessing blue eyes and increases her chances of attracting a genetically fit male and hence a fit progeny. What was the fault of the woman with brown eyes?
I can go on and on.

The above was a comment by the user doomedlions left on my post introducing the guest post series regarding women rights and equality. I wish to reply to some of the issues and questions raised.

When was young I remember my dad bought me a puzzles book full of word searches, cross words, number puzzles and mazes of all shapes and sizes. As well as this there were many spot the difference pictures where you would be presented very similar pictures and would have to spot subtle differences between the two. Being the little Sherlock Holmes that I was (only on Thursdays as I took on other roles on the other days of the week including, doctor, train driver, bike racer and tree) I would spend my Thursday evenings after school, magnifying glass in hand, trying to solve them. In nature itself, we notice that humans who are so similar in so many ways are also so very different. Between animals of the same species, plants and trees, you name it, there’s bound to be differences. Identical twins, who arise from the same fertilised egg and thus are genetically identical can be un-identical depending on the environment in which they are bought up.

If you put 2 people of different sexes, ethnicity or developmental stage in front of a young child, they will easily tell you the differences between them. It’s not rocket science. The user above wrote “we are NOT created equally” and I concur. No we are not. But that is elemental observation to make. When the phrase “We were created equal” is used, the wisdom behind it does not apply to physical aspects of a person regarding their gender, health, strength, eye colour, height or capabilities. Instead, it alludes to the fact despite our differences from one another we all deserve equal rights and not be recipients of discrimination and or persecution as a result of those differences. There are countless examples one could use to explain this point, but seeing as it will soon be happening in the UK, I’d like to mention the Olympics and Paralympics. Disabled people have an equal right to enjoy and compete in sporting events as do non-disabled people do. 

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Starting this Friday I shall being posting the Guest Posts I have received in this regard. I would like to thank each and every person who took time out to write a piece. Though you may not agree with some of the points raised by the authors, I am sure you will concur however that each one is extremely well written, thought provoking and enlightening.

Please Note: The views and or opinions expressed within the guests are solely of the respective authors and are not necessarily my own.

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Seeing as it is also the beginning of a new year, I’d like to send you all my warmest regards and I hope and pray that during this new year you see happiness, love and joy. May it be productive, rewarding, successful and peaceful for you all.

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Title: And Justice for all – Metallica

I have a few friends who don’t understand my obsession for football. This video is for you:

In soccer (football) you have everything in life…
you need to give, you need to receive
you need team spirit, discipline…
sportsmanship.
Sometimes you win…
Sometimes you lose.
This is the way you win in life.

Because football isn’t all THAT bad.

Sorry I’ve not commented on your blogs recently. I’ve been keeping up with all of them on my phone, but haven’t had a chance to log into blogger on the computer. Will visit your comment dabaa soon!

Hope you’re having a lovely weekend. Stay smiling.

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Title: Wavin’ Flag – K’NAAN

When I got a new phone, I got one with a decent camera for a particular reason. Simply so that I could take more pictures. I’ve decided each week I’ll share a photograph with you.

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I saw this written on the wall of the train today:

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Title: Sixteen Tons – Tennessee Ernie Ford

We’ve had countless boiler problems this year. Every few months something seems to happen. It sprouts a leak, starts letting out gas, making weird and un-boiler-like noises or just not getting turned on when I try to press its buttons. Last week it started drooling all over the floor and the pressure inside would rapidly drop and so prolonged use of hot water (in a bath or shower) would mean you’d have to do some fancy stuff to it to make the hot water come back. This was annoying, since I take my time whenever I have a bath or shower. So much so one of my friends always say “see you next week..” every time I text her, “I’ll text you later, about to jump into the bath/shower.” A few days subsequent to this, the boiler spluttered its last few breaths and stopped working all together. 3 days without hot water and heating.

It is not very often we consider boilers to be of value in our lives. Even when we talk about the things that we take for granted, how often do you hear anyone mention their boiler? I guess it’s like that clichéd line goes “you don’t realise the value of something till it’s gone…”. Said so many times, and probably experienced many more times but still it rings true. I realised the sheer importance of it when waking up for Tahajjud and Fajr (morning) prayers in the bitter cold without any hot water to wash with or heating to warm up the house with. I realised it’s importance when running late for university and jumped into the shower for a quick one only to be drenched in ice cold water. I realised the importance of it when sitting down stairs studying with frozen feet and fingers because of the cold. The water was so cold it left a burning sensation on contact with skin.

“It’s so annoying,” said  my brother one morning. “Why does this stupid thing keep messing up! I don’t wanna go to school today.”

“Think about all the people who live in icy conditions without hot water, or central heating. They only have one pan, in which to cook and in which they heat up water for a bath. Be grateful,” replied my dad.

The whole thing gave a few members of the household a really bad cold but it got me thinking. We use so many things each and every day. Many of these things we use without any thought as to their value in our lives, because they don’t seem valuable. Forget the small things, many of us are caught up in our traps that we aren’t even grateful for the big things that glare us in the face.

Say thank you to whoever you believe in, for once some of these things are gone, they may never come back. Thank God the boiler is now fixed. But more importantly thank God it was only the boiler and nothing more that messed up.

PS
This was written in a hurry so please excuse the grammar and or other mistakes.

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Title: Autumn Days – Estelle White

We were sitting and talking, waiting for afternoon lectures to start. The Indian girls I was with were on a roll; after bitching for about half an hour they moved onto Bollywood and began re-enacting their favourite scenes. I don’t actually know why I was there because I dislike bitching and don’t watch Bollywood. I guess I was literally killing time in the most painful way possible.

The subject of the conversation turned to one particular (absent) individual and I learnt many eye opening facts about their life story. In all that time I had been yawning profusely and making funny faces at people passing by our table at the canteen so the girls looked at me, expecting some input into the discussion at hand:

It’s amazing isn’t it? People form ideas and assumptions about others really very quickly but when you actually hear their story, you have nothing to say but “oh” and wish you could take it all back.

Our eyes see only that which they are capable of seeing or that which we want them to see. That’s also why people wear lenses and glasses. It’s not the thing being looked at that is changing, but the ability of one to see that particular thing. If you stand two individuals; one with perfect vision and another who is short-sighted together at a distance of 15 metres from a sign, they’ll see different things. The sign is the the same but the images perceived are different.

It’s the same with people. What we see of others is nothing but skin and clothes, all superficial. And when seen through our eyes, they’re even more distorted.

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In other news, I am extremely sorry for having not posted in over a month. Though I may not have commented on your blog posts, I have regularly been visiting and read them every morning on my phone while on the train to university. The wonders of technology aye.

Lastly, you may recall my previous post was about a series of guest posts that I would like to do in the next month or so regarding the issues women face in today’s society. I have already received some excellent, though provoking and well written articles from a number of you but there are still some slots available if you wish to join the discussion as a few people have dropped out due to one reason or another. So if you wish to get involved, just let me know.

I hope and pray you are all having an excellent weekend!

Stay smiling.

This post is dedicated to Cяystal

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Title: I need a dollar – Aloe Blacc
YouTube video: I saw on Asma Khan’s blog and as it was really pertinent to the post, decided to include it.